In Response - The Friend Zone

A while ago, my friend Izzy wrote a blog post about dating. I thought he was pretty accurate and felt that I could relate. However, there is one part that I would like to clear up, on the girl end of things.

Izzy wrote:

"Girls don't understand that if you want a good husband, you gotta marry the guy who's in the friend zone. You're both comfortable with each other, you both know way more about each other than you should, you have no shame around each other (which is both a good and bad thing),  and you can disagree with each other and still get along. So basically a friend zone is everything a good spouse should be. So why does it never work? 

People are shallow. People friend zone those who they don't find attractive, and they do it on purpose. That way you can still be friend but use the "He's like my brother" .  You may not even realize that is the reason you friend zone people, but subconsciously I'd say that everyone does it. Of course this isn't the rule 100% of the time, and just like everything else in life, there are exceptions."

I see where he is coming from, and I understand why he would think this way. However, there is a little more that goes into the friend zone.

First, lets establish that I want to marry my best friend. I think most girls want to marry their best friend for the very reasons that Izzy listed above. 

Second, there is a lot more that goes into "the friend zone" than just attraction, and that is what boys don't get. If you are willing to talk to me, I will probably be your friend. I can be friends with just about anyone, but that doesn't mean that I would, or even should, date you. 

I have relatively low expectations when it comes to my friends. All I really care about is that you are a good person, and I think that most people are good. I am friends with all kinds of people. 

I am friends with boys who lack social skills. 

I am friends with boys who have no direction in life. 

I am friends with boys who swear. 

I am friends with boys who aren't active in the church. 

I am friends with boys who have anger management problems. 

I am friends with boys who are flakes.

I am friends with boys I am not attracted to.

I am friends with boys who can't commit.

I am friends with boys who still won't grow up.

I am friends with boys who lack responsibility.

Are these people good friends? Yes! They are great friends! I love spending time with them. 

But does that mean I should date these friends? No! I don't have to live with my friends for eternity. I don't have to raise my family with my friends. I DO have to do these things with my husband, which translates into who I date, which translates into having higher standards. 

What guys don't get is that girls look a lot deeper than attraction. I might find the most attractive man on earth, but if he has no motivation, he is friend zoned. Sometimes you can be initially friend zoned because of attraction, but once you get to know him more, you find yourself more attracted to him. Personality counts!

I honestly wish that the friend zone were as simple as attraction. I have a lot of friends that I would love to date, but they are lacking some very important traits. 

Basically, what I'm saying is that attraction does factor in, but usually is not the main reason for being "friend zoned"

That's my two cents. 

Thanks for reading.